Thoughts on Modesty

I began this piece when I first started learning more about the concept of modesty in Judaism. And added to it as I started covering my hair and dressing differently.

Written August 07, 2020

I learned to equate sexiness with skin and sexiness with beauty

I don’t see myself as beautiful without showing my shoulders, neck, cleavage…

Instead, when I cover my chest and collarbones, I feel uncomfortably young

I am reminded of when I felt scared and unsure of my own body

Reminded of old men telling me that my body is something to be tempting to men and nourishing to babies

Reminded of women telling me my body is something that men will take pleasure from, and forget to include me in the process

I never had control over my own modesty.

It was something dictated, thrown over me like an old beach towel, ill-fitting and uncomfortable

Rejecting modesty was my first time having what I thought was control over how others saw me and my body

But even that was quickly taken away

I thought that by rejecting what I was told was ‘traditional modesty’ that I was being powerful. That I was taking control.

Now I’m not sure.

Now, when I see and hear Jewish women share about modesty in a way that lets them decide for themselves, in a way that allows them to choose, in a way that allows them to control…

I want that

I was convinced that the idea of modesty, the way I had learned it, was inherently harmful. Was controlling, was oversexualizing women,

That it was teaching girls to be scared of their bodies.

Because I was scared of mine